Time Heals

Time Heals All Wounds.

I can't count how many times I have spoken that phrase to people over the course of my life. The words rolled off my tongue with such ease when I was trying to help someone get over something or through a situation. 4 words that are so simple to say when the "time" and "healing" is for someone else.  I don't even think I knew what the words meant. It's just something I heard someone say and I adopted it for myself to spread around. 

"Don't worry, time heals all wounds"

That is until I was wounded, and someone said those 4 words to me.

*Hearing* the words, when you are suffering your own hurt, pain, brokenness, anguish or devastation is an entirely different ballgame. Who are you to tell me what time will do for me? Don't you know how deep these wounds are? 

My husband abandoned me.

My child died.

I lost my job.

I was molested. 

My wife cheated on me. 

My husband beat me. 

The bank foreclosed on my house. 

I have no food and no money.

You. Have. No. Idea. What. I'm. Going. Through. 

It's almost offensive to hear when you're in the midst of what feels like the end of all that you know. When your world has been turned upside down and inside out. When you struggle to find a reason to get out of bed. When all that you held dear slips away. I don't want to hear your empty phrase about time healing. 

But the truth of the matter is that time *does* heal. Except, it's not just the passage of time that heals, but what you DO with and during that time. 

If you sit in your living room in the dark for 2 years, a whole lot of time will have passed, but none of your wounds will be properly healed. You will sit and stew on your problems for 24 months. In fact, you'll create a few more physical and emotional wounds by doing it that way. 

So what are you doing in your "time"?

Are you seeking God for healing? 
 “Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security" Jeremiah 33:6 

Are you praying for the ability to forgive those that hurt you? 

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours. And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” Mark 11:24-25

Are you reading your bible to find out what He has to say about healing?

Are you starting a blog or a journal to explore your feelings and to get them out of your system and onto paper or the internet? 

Are you listening to music that can uplift you and edify you during your times of sorrow?

Are you surrounding yourself with people who can speak life to you? Who can speak God's Word into your life?  

"The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

Are you in therapy or starting medication?

Are you finding ways to stay active and staying in a circle of friends?

What you DO in your "time" is what facilitates healing. 

It's not an easy journey to healing. Journeys never are. But relentless focus on being better, doing better, feeling better is what matters. Even on the days when you can't. Every action forward is a piece of healing and the passage of time. 

Yes time heals all wounds. But it takes time, persistence, faith, hope, love, friends and prayers. 

I pray you are on your road to healing. 

In love, 

Mona

 




 
 

My Battle With Depression

On July 4, 2009 I discovered that my husband was emotionally involved with someone else. That emotional involvement eventually become a physical one and we were divorced two years later. That's a 30 word description for a series of events that thoroughly changed my life. 

I started this blog because it was the only way I was able to channel my fears and feelings. I had no idea that God would give me this gifting and that I would be able to help a single person beyond myself, but apparently I have and to God be the glory. 

My first blog entry was called 10 Count ---> 10 Count and it started my process of trying to deal with the hand I had been dealt. I blogged pretty continually from August 2009 to June 2010 when I wrote my last entry called Dream Deferred ---> Dream Deferred. Well it was my last entry for a long time at least. God and I broke up. My blog and I broke up. I was so knocked over by what had happened to my marriage that I truly lost track of myself. 

In the few years following that 2010 entry I made a lot of bad choices. Well, not bad choices, but choices that I would not have made if I had held on to what I knew to be true about myself and God. But I can't relive the past. 

One important thing that happened was I spent a lot of time pretending that I was okay. Pretending for my kids' sake, and for my friends and family, that I was strong. I wasn't going to let this get me down. That I could handle it. I am a strong woman. Asking for help was a weakness. Relying on others was weakness. So I swallowed the bulk of my pain and anguish. I buried my sadness and despair deep down. I'm not saying I didn't cry. I did cry. A LOT. 

I'm not saying I didn't share some feelings with my nearest and dearest. I did. But I would only say so much. I would only go just so deep. I didn't want them to know I was weak. I didn't want them to think I couldn't handle it. So I shut it up deep down inside. 

Until the summer of 2012. It was then, after I had suffered financial difficulties and worked up a gambling problem that I found myself unable to deal anymore. I was cracking. I was losing my ability to keep it together. I just couldn't anymore. I cried all the time. I stayed in bed all the time. Oh, I still went to work every single day. (Cuz that's what we do, right?) but the minute I came home I got in the bed and didn't get out until the next morning. I could not wait until Friday because when I got home from work I could stay in the bed all the way until Monday. 

I would find myself waking up in the middle of the night and crying for hours. I had tears siting right under the surface at all times. 

I still managed to put on a brave face for people when they were around. But I was counting the seconds until I could get back in the bed again. 

I remember saying to people that I was feeling down and that I didn't want to do anything or go anwhere. I thought I was screaming it at the top of my lungs:

I AM DEPRESSED! HELP ME! I CAN'T STOP CRYING! I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME!

But what I was really doing was whispering super softly:

i am depressed. help me. i can't stop crying. i don't know what's wrong with me. 

And I wondered why no one was hearing me. Why doesn't anyone care?

Did I think about suicide? Not actively. But I had driven down the thruway and thought to myself "if a deer runs out, I won't try to avoid it". I had been driving and thought about a wind coming along and pushing my car into a tree. I had thought about getting cancer. So no, I didn't want to kill myself, but there were dangerous thoughts in my head. 

I don't know what made me call my mom that day so many months later. I don't know why I finally said it out loud. But I did. She asked me if I wanted to hurt myself and I said not really and shared the above thoughts with her. And smartly, she urged me to go and see my doctor. She said I was depressed and that I needed some medication and that I need to see a therapist as well. 

And thankfully I did go and immediately my doctor diagnosed me with depression. And in December prescribed Prozac, which I am still taking today. After a few weeks I started to feel the difference. I had to force myself to go outside on the weekends, and I had to force myself not to come home and get in the bed but I did. I had a few sessions with a therapist and finally started to deal with my feelings about my ex-husband. 

And I finally started going back to church. 

All of those things have brought about my healing. My physical, mental and spiritual parts were getting healed. 

I know often times Christians believe that depression is a work of the enemy. Trust me when I tell you that depression is often a chemical imbalance in the brain. Or your body's way of manifesting suppressed hurt and emotions. And medication is often the right answer. Only a doctor knows for sure. 

Do I believe in the power of prayer? Of course I do. But in the midst of my depression, I was totally UNABLE to pray. Or worship. Or sing. Or do anything for that matter. And I'm glad I went and got treatment. 

Not only did I need the pills to help with the chemical imbalance, I need my Balm in Gilead as well. "Is there no balm in Gilead? Is there no physician there? Why then is there no healing for the wound of my people?" - Jeremiah 8:22. 

I had to remember the Word that God gave to me years before "Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security" - Jeremiah 33:6. Words that I thought meant something else entirely.

I had to do it all together. I am grateful to God that He gave my mom, my doctor AND my pastor the wisdom to aid in my healing. 

If you are feeling down, please seek help, from you pastor AND your doctor. The bible does say that by His stripes we are healed. That healing comes from God, and often through doctors and therapists. 

In love,
Mona

Don't Go Changin'

I was thinking about how often people think that giving their life to Christ means that they have to somehow become entirely different people. Some think that God wants them to completely "flip the script" on their personalities in order to come to Him. I know I used to think that. But luckily a very very smart mommy once told me that God made me who I am for a reason. Everything about me (the good, the bad and the ugly) God could and would use for His purpose and according to His will.

I was relieved that this big mouth for designed for God's purpose. He made me loud in order to reach someone who might be having trouble hearing the Truth.

I realized that my crazy sense of humor was all a part of God's plan. I would one day be around teenagers who would not respond to the same old boring stuff.

I got happy that this creative mind wasn't all for nothing. One day God would pour His words into it and ask me to add a little of my own flavor to it. Someone would need to read an encouraging and honest word.

God is saying "Don't go changing, to try and please me." Yes, I'm going to be quoting some Billy Joel here along with some scripture!
-----
Don't go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don't imagine you're too familiar
And I don't see you anymore

See God doesn't want to change your personality. Your personality is what makes you YOU and God made you. "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

God sees who you are and loves you. You can't hide from Him. "Can anyone hide in secret places so that I cannot see him?" declares the Lord." Jeremiah 23:24
-----
Don't go trying some new fashion
Don't change the color of your hair
You always have my unspoken passion
Although I might not seem to care

You don't have to be perfect to come to God. He wants you to come just as you are, warts and all. "The Spirit and the bride say, 'Come!' And let him who hears say, 'Come!' Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life." Revelations 22:17. All you have to do is come and partake.
-----
I don't want clever conversation
I never want to work that hard
I just want someone that I can talk to
I want you just the way you are

God doesn't want to change you...he wants a relationship with you. He wants you to talk to Him so that He can talk back to you. It doesn't have to be loud or fancy or long. It just has to be from your heart. You don't have to be TD Jakes or Eddie Long or Joyce Meyer to get God's attention (although they are awesome...)

"Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray: Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done in earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever. Amen." Matthew 6:8-13
-----
I need to know that you will always be
The same old someone that I knew
What will it take 'till you believe in me
The way that I believe in you..
Have you heard this one? A woman named Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to Cedars Sinai hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw God and asked, "Is this it?" God said, "No, you have another 30 to 40 years to live." Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a face lift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of Cedars Sinai lobby after the last operation and was killed by an ambulance speeding up to the hospital. She arrived in front of God and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years?" God replied, "Shirley!?! I didn't recognize you!"

Now understand that some changes have to happen. God wants you to stop sinning. He wants to create in you a new heart and mind that is focused on Him and the Kingdom and not so much on self and flesh. But those are changes that HE makes. "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." Ezekiel 36:26
-----
I said I love you, and that's forever
And this I promise from the heart
I could not love you any better
I love you just the way you are.

Yeah...there's nothing to add to that.

In love,
Mona

The Muppet Show

Like most of us, as a child I was a big fan of The Muppet Show, Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock. I hate to admit it but I think I identify most with Miss Piggy. She was feminine, confident and didn't take any mess - destined for stardom just like me! Well, minus the pig part! But I digress...

Muppets are puppet characters created by Jim Henson, one of the most famous puppeteers to ever live. A puppeteer is a person who manipulates an inanimate object in such a manner that the audience believes the object is alive. In some instances the personality of the puppeteer is also an important feature.

Do you ever feel like a puppet? Feel like you had strings tied to your arms and legs and that someone, or something, is manipulating you? Not physically, but mentally. The enemy is a puppeteer, no...he's a puppet master. Using your fears, doubts, anxieties and your past to get you act and think in a certain way. He pulls on the strings of your mind and pulls on your heart strings in ways that can get you off your game.

Remember SEW (the voices of self, the enemy and the world)? Those are three strings attached to your heart and mind. Every time those voices speak, your mind and heart are jerked this way. Every time you hear a voice and think, "well what if...." or "maybe that is true" then your mind and heart are turned upside down. The longer you listen and give heed to the voices, the more tied up you become. Eventually you'll feel like you'll never get undone.

He's crafty:
"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour" I Peter 5:8

He's false:
"He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies" John 8:44

Unfortunately he knows us, sometimes better than we know ourselves. He knows our past and he knows our hurts. He knows just what buttons to push and what strings to pull. But when the voices start blathering in your ear, start asking yourself, "is this what God has said to me? Does this line up with the promises of God?"

God knew that we would be faced with these things. Remember that 'we are not ignorant of the enemy's devices' (2 Corinthians 2:11). Jesus said, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world". John 16:33

The voices are playing back your worst fears, anxieties, twisted feelings and doubts. Our feelings, anxieties and worries CANNOT BE TRUSTED. The voices CANNOT BE TRUSTED. They are of the flesh. "...we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh" Phillippians 3:3.

Take no confidence in the enemy's attempts to control you and make you lose sight of God's promises. Take no confidence in memories of sins that God has already forgiven you for. Take no confidence in over-analyzing every word, action and deed of those you love. This is all the flesh. And remember what God said.

"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood , but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

If you want to cut the puppet master's strings in your life you have to "Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Stand firm on God's promises. If God said it, then it is done. "God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?" Numbers 23:19

"Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist," Stand firm on the truth of who God is and who He says you are.

"with the breastplate of righteousness in place," Protect your fragile heart by behaving righteously.

"and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace." Know the Word. Rehearse out loud and encourage yourself at all times.

"In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one." Stand on God's faith that He will do just what He said He will do.

"Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God." We worship in Spirit. Use that sword to cut the strings of the puppeteer!

And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints." PRAY PRAY PRAY PRAY and then PRAY some more! You can combat the voices and the lies with fervent prayer.

Prayer and Thanksgiving will untangle the strings of the enemy. Listen to the One True Voice!

In love,
Miss Piggy

Sit and Hush

I wish I had a dollar for every time my grandmother Jessie told me, "hush your mouth!" Usually I was running off at the mouth at the wrong time. Talking when grown folks were talking, or speaking too loudly at church or just talking so much that I was getting on her nerves. "Hush your mouth!" She often yelled it. Sometimes she brought along a smack with it. But other times it was said out of clenched teeth in a whisper that seemed scarier than the yell or the smack. Jessie didn't play - you knew she meant it and you hushed right up!

Jessie's gone now and I know that I often need someone to tell me to hush my mouth.

“And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm” Mark 4:39

I have read that scripture so many times in my life. Normally it speaks to the great and unmatched power of Jesus over the natural elements. In the story the elements were a real thrashing sea and hurricane force winds tossing the apostles around. They thought they were going to die. In our lives today those elements can be our children, jobs, health, marriages, finances, sin, - swirling madly all around us dashing us all about. Casting us to and fro and making us think that we won't survive either.

But today when I read that scripture I realized that Jesus was talking to me! He was telling me to PEACE, BE STILL!! My mouth is the hurricane force winds and my mind is the thrashing sea.

See, when I am going through something I pray and pray and pray and tell God that I have turned it all over to Him. In my heart, I physically lay it on the altar and walk away. "You got it Lord. Now handle that!"

But the minute I get a step away from the altar, my mind revs up like a NASCAR engine and my mouth gets full of air and off I go.

I wonder this and I question that. I wish for this and hope for that. What is God going to do? When is He going to do it? What if I don't like what He does? Why did this person say that? How come she treated me that way? Don't they know how I feel? I hurt. I am sad.

STOP! Oh yeah, I have to remember to worship God and thank Him for handling this!

I don't know who they think they are? I don't deserve this? Why did God let this happen to me? This fool needs Jesus! Why in the world hasn't God taken care of this? Yeah yeah...His time...whatever! Why can't I stop crying?

AAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! (That's Jesus screaming...not me!)

MONA!

STOP!

PEACE!

BE STILL!

HUSH YOUR MOUTH CHILD!

And when I do...when I let the Holy Spirit get that mind and mouth under submission. When I still the loud and raging voices in my head... THERE IS A GREAT CALM! If I can just hush my mouth I can hear Jesus whisper "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

I..... GOT..... THIS!

Today just sit and hush and let the Lord does His mighty work...in us and for us.

With love,
Mona

10 Count

When I was in junior high school there was a girl I just didn't like. Once I walked up to her while she was at her locker and tapped her on her shoulder. When she turned her head to see who it was, I punched her in the jaw. That was a sucker punch! Out of nowhere and totally unexpected.

We've all been sucker punched at some point in our lives...by our parents, husbands, wives, kids, friends, bosses...you name it. The question is what do we do when it happens. At first you are just completely stunned, shaken, confused, rattled and rocked back on your heels. You want to just lay down and never get back up again. You cry and moan and question everything you've ever known. THIS JUST CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

You're down. But are you out?

In boxing, when an opponent knocks you on your ass (sorry, I mean on the mat) the referee gives you a 10 count to get back up, to shake it off and decide if you're getting back into the fight.

In this life, on this Christian walk, we also get a 10 count from God. It's not always 10 seconds though. Sometimes it's 10 minutes or 10 hours or 10 days or 10 years! 10 bouts of crying, 10 arguments, 10 pleas for help, 10 calls to your mom, 10 prayers or 10 friends surrounding you.

But in that 10 count is where God pours his Grace and Mercy into you. Its a 10 count for you to REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE IN CHRIST. A 10 count to get connected to your spirit man and a 10 count to realize that God is in control. A 10 count to REALLY pray and remind God of his Word. A 10 count to get your promised "peace of God and peace with God".

You know that pit in your stomach? That empty sinking feeling? That's not permanent. It will go away when you let your spirit man connect to its source, which is the Holy Spirit...the Comforter! When you pray for comfort and peace and joy...your weakened spirit man plugs in the Spirit Realm.

Here's why that's important: IN THE SPIRIT REALM, IT IS ALREADY DONE! Do you hear me? IN THE SPIRIT REALM YOUR MARRIAGE IS ALREADY REPAIRED, YOUR WIFE HAS ALREADY ACCEPTED CHRIST, YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALREADY OUT OF DRUGS, YOUR MOM IS ALREADY HEALED. Your spirit man connects to this information and then you are washed with peace and comfort. That pit in your stomach subsides. A calm washes over you...one that surpasses all understanding.

Now your mind, and the enemy, will tell you otherwise, all the time and every chance it can. Stay connected to the Source. Keep your spirit man FED WITH THE TRUTH. Don't let up on your praying (without ceasing) to keep that mind under submission. That's where your peace comes from.

I don't know where you are in your count. Maybe you're at 1, just knocked down. Maybe you're at 5 - in the middle of the battle. Or back on your feet at 8. It doesn't matter. God is there. Always was and always will be.

"Pray without ceasing" 1 Thessalonians 5:17
"And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus" Philippians 4:7
"Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength" Nehemiah 8:10
"But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you" John 14:26
"Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven" Matthew 16:19

In Love,
Mona