DeRailed

Do you remember the book "The Little Engine That Could"? It was the story of a tiny blue train engine that was asked to move a much larger train up and over a mountain. The train did it by repeating "I think I can" over and over.

Well many of us are like that train. We are struggling up and down mountains with things in our lives. God has given us a vision or He has laid out a path forward for us. We are praying and praising and seeking God's mercy. We know God has our back so we just are just chug-chug-chugging along. Moving forward into our destiny. "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can". Chug chug chug.

We get close to the top of the mountain and know that it's a coast down the other side. But guess what? Right near the top of the hill, there's a brick wall on your tracks, just out of your sight. You don't see it coming and by the time you do it's too late to stop. Then all of a sudden, despite all the work that you have been doing, all the praying and praising and seeking, you hit that wall.

What the...? Wait a durn minute! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was chugging along nicely getting where I know God was sending me. God told me that this thing was all fixed. God said that there was healing for me. God said that the victory was mine. Why did this happen?

Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????

Frustration comes. Anger builds. Doubt creeps. Tears overflow. Am I crazy? Did I imagine all that God had told me? Maybe this wasn't for me after all? Why didn't He warn me about the wall? Why don't I hear Him telling me He's sorry? Is He even here?

I don't even feel like praying. I feel so empty. Then comes the confrontation. Oh He's gonna hear from me. Why? I thought... You said... You promised... Where are you? I'm doubting... Do you even hear me? Do you even care? You have to show yourself! I need to hear from you now! And it had better be something big and majestic! I can't have any doubt that it's you. Do you hear me?!?

I get the answer, but it's not a great fireworks show or great explosion of lights and sound. It's a whisper. The loudest whisper of my life.

"Dear heart, you built that wall yourself. One brick was expectation. Another was distrust. Another was anxiety. One was fear. But most of them were built because you want everything that you want, when you want it and how you want it. You heard me say that there was healing... and there is. But I didn't say it was yesterday. Yes you have victory, but you're running around cheering as if the race is over and it's not. Our work is not yet finished. You got comfortable in My work and forgot about your own. Your job is to seek My will to be done, no matter what. Your job is to lean not unto your own understanding. Your job it to humble yourself. Your job is to let go and let ME!"

"My child, you hit that wall and instead of just moving the bricks out of the way and keeping it moving, you let the enemy take those bricks and hit you upside the head with lies. You allowed the voices to tell you things that aren't true. You allowed seeds of doubt to be planted and watered them with your tears."

He continued, "But I have not changed. My word is true. I am not a man that I should lie. I am faithful even in the very midst of your faithlessness. I have not turned my back on you. I told you that lo I am with you even until the end. Even after you turn away from me. Even after you harden your heart. Even after you yell and scream and cuss. I am still here and I am still God. I still have a purpose and and plan. I STILL LOVE YOU!"

So here I am. I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and I'm moving bricks off my track. I am lining myself up with God's will again. I am focusing my eyes on the vision and the path in front of me. I am remembering the truth of who God is. I am realizing that He is who He says He is and He does just what He says He's going to do. I am getting myself out of the way and getting back on the job.

Chug chug chug "I know God can. I know God can. I know God can" Chug chug chug.

In love,
Mona

Why Oh Why

I know the most adorable 3-year-old in this entire world! Not only is she beautiful, she is also very smart and funny and talks better than a lot of adults I know. Now for the sake of full disclosure she is my God-daughter but that doesn't make her any less brilliant, does it!?

Now, like most 2-3 year olds, she is very inquisitive. What a great word... "inquisitive". That's the adult way of saying she asks way too many doggone questions! She's curious about the world and how it works. Why is this? Why is that? What are you doing? Where are you going? How come this? How come that? Know what? Guess what? Whew!! It can be exhausting. But how else is she going to learn if she doesn't ask, right?

Well that inquisitiveness never leaves us, even after we grow up. The questions become more thoughtful and and thought-provoking. The questions get tougher and harder and the answers are much more elusive. But do we ever stop asking "Why oh why?"

Why was she molested? Why did he go unpunished?

Why do these young children keep dying on the streets?

Why are they fighting for their very lives because of cancer? Kidney disease? Congestive heart failure? Multiple sclerosis? Diabetes?

Why are my children struggling with drug abuse? Mental disorders? Isolation? Depression? Suicide?

Why do I feel so alone?

Why oh why, God? Are you listening? We are your very inquisitive children and we are asking why?

There is no simple answer to these questions. If only it worked that way. Remember what God said, "For my thoughts are not your thoughts,neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8

The bible is full of examples of suffering, trials, tribulations and circumstances. We are not the first and won't be the last. Small comfort when you are going through, right?

The Apostle Paul was the poster child for suffering, having endured much in the spreading of the Gospel and he spoke well of suffering but mostly about enduring.

"We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us" 2 Corinthians 1:8-11

Paul also spoke about the thorn in his side. He said "Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Now I must admit I sometimes have a tough time "delighting" in my persecutions and difficulties. But when I stop and look back from where God brought me from I can see that He has been working on me the whole time. Once I let go and told God to have His way, I realized that I wouldn't be praying so much if it hadn't been for "this" situation. I wouldn't be writing this blog if "that" hadn't happened.

Ask yourself, how has God changed you since you've been going through? Who have you encouraged by your actions? Who has seen you struggle and found strength in how you carry yourself? Are you praying more? Praising more? Seeking His face more? Do your kids see you on your knees? Does someone feel like they can go one more day because they have seen you do it? Are you praying for others, even while seeking answers on your own behalf?

We may not know yet what God has in store. We may not have the answers we want today, but we have faith "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Yes this life can be tough, but it's what we do that makes the difference. It's our attitude, our faith, our trust, our submission, our resiliance but most importantly, it's our God.

And remember..."We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Corinthians 4:8-10

In love,
Mona