Well many of us are like that train. We are struggling up and down mountains with things in our lives. God has given us a vision or He has laid out a path forward for us. We are praying and praising and seeking God's mercy. We know God has our back so we just are just chug-chug-chugging along. Moving forward into our destiny. "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can". Chug chug chug.
We get close to the top of the mountain and know that it's a coast down the other side. But guess what? Right near the top of the hill, there's a brick wall on your tracks, just out of your sight. You don't see it coming and by the time you do it's too late to stop. Then all of a sudden, despite all the work that you have been doing, all the praying and praising and seeking, you hit that wall.
What the...? Wait a durn minute! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was chugging along nicely getting where I know God was sending me. God told me that this thing was all fixed. God said that there was healing for me. God said that the victory was mine. Why did this happen?
Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????
Frustration comes. Anger builds. Doubt creeps. Tears overflow. Am I crazy? Did I imagine all that God had told me? Maybe this wasn't for me after all? Why didn't He warn me about the wall? Why don't I hear Him telling me He's sorry? Is He even here?
I don't even feel like praying. I feel so empty. Then comes the confrontation. Oh He's gonna hear from me. Why? I thought... You said... You promised... Where are you? I'm doubting... Do you even hear me? Do you even care? You have to show yourself! I need to hear from you now! And it had better be something big and majestic! I can't have any doubt that it's you. Do you hear me?!?
I get the answer, but it's not a great fireworks show or great explosion of lights and sound. It's a whisper. The loudest whisper of my life.
"Dear heart, you built that wall yourself. One brick was expectation. Another was distrust. Another was anxiety. One was fear. But most of them were built because you want everything that you want, when you want it and how you want it. You heard me say that there was healing... and there is. But I didn't say it was yesterday. Yes you have victory, but you're running around cheering as if the race is over and it's not. Our work is not yet finished. You got comfortable in My work and forgot about your own. Your job is to seek My will to be done, no matter what. Your job is to lean not unto your own understanding. Your job it to humble yourself. Your job is to let go and let ME!"
"My child, you hit that wall and instead of just moving the bricks out of the way and keeping it moving, you let the enemy take those bricks and hit you upside the head with lies. You allowed the voices to tell you things that aren't true. You allowed seeds of doubt to be planted and watered them with your tears."
He continued, "But I have not changed. My word is true. I am not a man that I should lie. I am faithful even in the very midst of your faithlessness. I have not turned my back on you. I told you that lo I am with you even until the end. Even after you turn away from me. Even after you harden your heart. Even after you yell and scream and cuss. I am still here and I am still God. I still have a purpose and and plan. I STILL LOVE YOU!"
So here I am. I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and I'm moving bricks off my track. I am lining myself up with God's will again. I am focusing my eyes on the vision and the path in front of me. I am remembering the truth of who God is. I am realizing that He is who He says He is and He does just what He says He's going to do. I am getting myself out of the way and getting back on the job.
Chug chug chug "I know God can. I know God can. I know God can" Chug chug chug.
In love,
Mona
