The Bucket List

Two women I went to high school with have died within the last 6 months. We are all in our 50th year - either have turned or will turn 50 before the end of 2018. It's a perspective-shift for sure. 

I've always said "life is short" and it's never more in my face than when someone my age dies. It causes me to reflect on the value of and the distinct shortness of time. 

I am questioning whether my life has been of any value. What have I accomplished? What is there left for me to do, see and experience? 

I know that I raised two amazing people in my son and daughter, who I am blessed to say are happy, healthy and thriving. They are everything I could wish for but mostly I LIKE them... a lot. They are funny and sarcastic and thoughtful and caring and they are absolutely the best of me. But I can't live on the laurels of raising them any longer. I can cross "Parenting" off my bucket list. 

I never finished college. That's not anyone's fault. But I did opt to focus on trying to be a good military wife and mom. I don't regret anything because the results speak for themselves. I sustained a happy marriage for 21 years and still remains friends with my ex after the divorce. Cross "Wife and Mom" off my bucket list. 

Not sure I've been the best daughter, sister, niece and friend that I could be. But hopefully there's still time to do better. I hope they know that I love them even when I wasn't what they needed me to be.  "Good Daughter, Sister, Niece and Friend" stays on the list. 

Good Christian? STAYS ON THE LIST!

My list also includes other greatest hits like "Figure Out Who I Want To Be When I Grow Up", "Fall In Love", "Travel the World", "Be the Best Improviser I Can be", "Make An Impact", "Mange My Finances Better (which will never get crossed off the list), "Believe God Will", and more. 

But time is running short because tomorrow is not promised. And I'm going to be honest and transparent about the fact that I am freaking out about it. I'm scared that I'm going to die with this long list of unrealized dreams and that none of it mattered in the end. That I will have wasted an entire lifetime and accomplished nothing of note. But then again, lots of people do and what makes me so special?

Maybe it's a mid-life crisis taking hold. Maybe it's me realizing I'm at the top of the hill and the trip is always faster on the way down. I don't want "Regret" to be anywhere on my list. 

My prayer is that we all examine our bucket lists and begin to actively do things to start crossing stuff off. But that we also add more items. Give ourselves more dreams to realize, more lives to impact, more places to go and things to do. 

In love,
Mona