Endings and Beginnings

Every New Year's Eve when I was a little girl, my brother and I were allowed to stay awake until midnight. I remember running around in my footie pajamas or nightgown waiting for the countdown to the end of the year on Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin Eve. And once the ball dropped, my parents always allowed us to have a small sip of champagne (hey....it was the 70's!!) and we toasted the New Year together. If my brother and I were at my grandmother's house we missed out on the sip and we always had to start the new year by praying. Great memories!

There's always been something special about that moment at midnight, the ending of a year and the fresh new beginning of another. Somehow we think that as soon as the clock turns twelve then everything that happened in the previous year goes away and we get a fresh new slate.

We want to rush into that new year so that we can forget about all of the bad things that happened in the last one. We can put away the family that we lost, the arguments that we had, the sins we committed, the recession, the wars, the job losses and the like. The danger in thinking that way is that we often tend to forget the good things that happened as well.

Can we afford to forget that we woke up 365 mornings? Dare we not remember that no matter what happened the day before, that God's mercies were brand new when we opened our eyes. God's grace was upon us, even in the dark times.

Can we forget the praying we did? Even if the prayers weren't answered like we wanted, it was time spent with God.

Can we really put behind us the trials and tribulations we endured? Each one was an opportunity that God gave us to get closer to Him, to deepen our relationship with Him and to learn about who we are in Him.

Can we forget the tears we shed? Can we possibly think they were wasted? God doesn't think so. "You number my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle; are they not in Your book?" Psalm 56:8

We all went through a lot in the last year. Some of it bad and some of it good. The question is whether we let the experiences bring us closer to God or further away. Do we ask "why me?" or do we follow Paul and "count it all joy"?

When I think back on my challenges in 2009, I will remember what God said:

"I make known the end from the beginning, from ancient times, what is still to come." Isaiah 46:10. He knew what I would have to endure and already had my way out in the plan.

"I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End." Revelations 22:13. God is there always, at the end of my sorrows and the beginning of my joy.

"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5.

And the morning begins at 12:00:01 a.m. just at the stroke of midnight.

Whether is 1979, 1999 or 2009, life is a cycle of endings and beginnings, starts and stops, ups and downs, life and death, so be ready. I pray with all my heart that you always remember that God loves you. That He has a purpose and a plan for your life. That YOU are His favored child. That the thoughts He has towards you are good and not evil, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Remember that He sent His son to die for you and that His saving grace is yours to have and to keep. And that He promised to be with you, even unto the end.

Happy New Year! In 2010 I resolve to love more, forgive faster and speak life every day.

Oh and maybe, just maybe, shop less.

In love,

Mona

My Gift

It's going to be Christmas soon and of course I have been running around shopping and decorating and spewing Christmas Spirit over everyone I come across. I love going to the mall and looking at people's decorations (some gorgeous and some scary! LOL). I love Christmas carols and everything about this time of year. I know that "Jesus is the reason for the season" but for me this year it's a little bit more.

On December 4, 2008 my Aunt Clorica died. Clo died. It's horrible to even type that. But she died and our whole family has been changed by it. My grandfather Fred Ray died back in 1997 and my grandma Jessie died in 2002. And while I was hurt and saddened by losing them, the only grandparents I had ever known, losing Clo has been devastating for us, her sister and brothers and nieces and nephews.

Why? Because she was life. She was family. She was togetherness. She was peace and compassion and balance and forgiveness and love. She was the glue that brought the family together for holidays and celebrations. She would barbecue on Flag Day if she thought she could get us all in one place!

She was fun and funny and had a laugh and a smile that could light up the darkness. And the world got a little bit dimmer last year. But not so dim that we forget. I think I am so infused with Holiday cheer this year because I have to be for Clo. She would be quite upset if we didn't get together and eat and play and love each other. And I feel responsible for making sure that we do that. Making sure that we know how much we mean to each other whether we talk once a day or once a year. It's about the family and Clo was family!

This post is about honoring the aunt who was like a mother to me and my brother when we were growing up. I could talk to her about anything and everything. She lent me more money than I should ever admit and she loved me like nobody's business. She loved us all like that.

All of us are going through things, but remember to tell your family that you love them. No matter if they're behaving right or not. Spread love this season and every season.

Merry Christmas Aunt Clo. Our hearts are so heavy from missing you today but we also realize that every moment with you was one of the greatest gifts that God could have given us. And I will spend the rest of my days making you proud. I love you. Take care of Fred & Jessie!

In love,
Ray-mone ~ her nickname for me :)

DeRailed

Do you remember the book "The Little Engine That Could"? It was the story of a tiny blue train engine that was asked to move a much larger train up and over a mountain. The train did it by repeating "I think I can" over and over.

Well many of us are like that train. We are struggling up and down mountains with things in our lives. God has given us a vision or He has laid out a path forward for us. We are praying and praising and seeking God's mercy. We know God has our back so we just are just chug-chug-chugging along. Moving forward into our destiny. "I think I can. I think I can. I think I can". Chug chug chug.

We get close to the top of the mountain and know that it's a coast down the other side. But guess what? Right near the top of the hill, there's a brick wall on your tracks, just out of your sight. You don't see it coming and by the time you do it's too late to stop. Then all of a sudden, despite all the work that you have been doing, all the praying and praising and seeking, you hit that wall.

What the...? Wait a durn minute! This wasn't supposed to happen! I was chugging along nicely getting where I know God was sending me. God told me that this thing was all fixed. God said that there was healing for me. God said that the victory was mine. Why did this happen?

Whhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy??????

Frustration comes. Anger builds. Doubt creeps. Tears overflow. Am I crazy? Did I imagine all that God had told me? Maybe this wasn't for me after all? Why didn't He warn me about the wall? Why don't I hear Him telling me He's sorry? Is He even here?

I don't even feel like praying. I feel so empty. Then comes the confrontation. Oh He's gonna hear from me. Why? I thought... You said... You promised... Where are you? I'm doubting... Do you even hear me? Do you even care? You have to show yourself! I need to hear from you now! And it had better be something big and majestic! I can't have any doubt that it's you. Do you hear me?!?

I get the answer, but it's not a great fireworks show or great explosion of lights and sound. It's a whisper. The loudest whisper of my life.

"Dear heart, you built that wall yourself. One brick was expectation. Another was distrust. Another was anxiety. One was fear. But most of them were built because you want everything that you want, when you want it and how you want it. You heard me say that there was healing... and there is. But I didn't say it was yesterday. Yes you have victory, but you're running around cheering as if the race is over and it's not. Our work is not yet finished. You got comfortable in My work and forgot about your own. Your job is to seek My will to be done, no matter what. Your job is to lean not unto your own understanding. Your job it to humble yourself. Your job is to let go and let ME!"

"My child, you hit that wall and instead of just moving the bricks out of the way and keeping it moving, you let the enemy take those bricks and hit you upside the head with lies. You allowed the voices to tell you things that aren't true. You allowed seeds of doubt to be planted and watered them with your tears."

He continued, "But I have not changed. My word is true. I am not a man that I should lie. I am faithful even in the very midst of your faithlessness. I have not turned my back on you. I told you that lo I am with you even until the end. Even after you turn away from me. Even after you harden your heart. Even after you yell and scream and cuss. I am still here and I am still God. I still have a purpose and and plan. I STILL LOVE YOU!"

So here I am. I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and I'm moving bricks off my track. I am lining myself up with God's will again. I am focusing my eyes on the vision and the path in front of me. I am remembering the truth of who God is. I am realizing that He is who He says He is and He does just what He says He's going to do. I am getting myself out of the way and getting back on the job.

Chug chug chug "I know God can. I know God can. I know God can" Chug chug chug.

In love,
Mona